Two months after graduation and I’m sitting on my bed room floor (crawling the interweb) and pondering life. I’m trying to make necessary steps for my future but right now its in the hands of someone else.
Insert twitching convulsion here.
This is by far the worst part of anything. I have most definitely learned that I prefer to have the control in situations. One may choose the phrase “control freak” to define my anxiety in times like this. Well one, I guess you’re right. “What in the hell is wrong with being a control freak?!” is my retort to you!
I’m the type A personality in that respect. I prefer to do things on my own because I know they’ll get done right. If they get done wrong, well then no one has disappointed me but myself. I enjoy taking risks but not gambling? I’m impulsive with some things and I take my sweet time with others. Gah, will the rest of my 20s be this?! This constant reflecting/soul searching bundle of confusion?
I’ve come to terms with this whole control freak thing. This has been validated through those moments of trying new things and realizing that they just aren’t my cup of tea. You know what pisses me off more than not having control? Being told I need to lighten up. Word of advice?
Don’t tell a control freak to lighten/loosen up or to relax. We’re pretty aware of the fact that we need to relax, we know how to relax, and we have it scheduled in our planers just how, when, where, and why we intend on relaxing. We don’t need your command or your suggestion of what is relaxing. See yourself out, thank you.
Now if only everyone else around me will accept this fact and let me be my controlling self. I feel that people should treat this trait of mine as if it were a religion. I accept this as a way of life. If I’m not imposing it on your life, kindly let me live the way I choose to.
Forgive the rant. I just hate that decisions are currently up in the air, waiting for someone else to return for their vacation and act on them. Instead, I sit here silently freaking out, distracting my mind with crafts, my cats, and the pool that awaits me.
Le sigh. Someone just hire me.